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I was shy during flute lessons, whether with a teacher and with each other. A shyness that now I have to write by choosing words and form, it seems not impossible. With the first teacher perhaps it could find some justification, I was madly in love with this young man and the trembling, the palpitations had their reasons. I was sweating, his hands trembling, the explanations he gave me is not secured properly in my head ... my thoughts were elsewhere, dreaming ... but it seemed a dream too far, I felt small and particularly nasty. I was twelve years old and his five more than me, and I was discovered: "Could it be that you're in love with Gianni ...". I heard the voice of my mother as she drove my sister and I sat in front and behind to watch the full moon, silent. Their allies, and I always quieter . - From the autobiographical CG, Stock Anghiari 2007
Leafing through the volume of Duccio Demetrio on shyness in I have already spoken, I met this autobiographical account of his collection in the Free University of Autobiography of Anghiari. It 's a girl who talks about his relationship with the music teacher. It 's just a girl, but if I think my students and three female students who meet with them to take lessons to me, I wonder what it means to the awkwardness, embarrassment, hesitation, redness of one of them that makes me doubt her. Just a few looks, longer than necessary and more intense than those of a student who has a head full of music for thinking that it might be for you a situation comparable to that girl's autobiography.
This happens sometimes in our eyes. What we see is an understatement. We certainly think that it's more that those signs are carriers of meaning for us, that concern us? I am convinced that we'll never know, at least in the case of shy person, who will do anything to hide emotions and feelings. Prevent too much to act otherwise. An early sense of loneliness, suffered initially, but then more and more recognized as inevitable and, after all, dear companion of days. The sense of courtship and the beginning. Even it happened to me - and it still happens today! - To be fascinated by things in their beginning. I'm tempted to say that I'm interested in just that. When I see a romantic movie, are stretched out completely to enjoy all the preliminaries of a love story: how much slower and the circle is approaching without even express the feelings, the more I like the story! I think those moments are eternal.
We have someone in front of us that there exists simply. He speaks and gestures, but above all expressed by the muscles of the face that proves the endless emotions. It seems to us to seize them all. We would like to keep for us, who were devoted to us all. And you fall in love for a while 'the delight of the face, which is no longer just a face. E 'already a face, our own construction, but not an invention far-fetched: we have already made to establish continuity files, imagine a sequel to the story, we want to take, we would never end. But we are already building castles in the air! We delude ourselves already that will last. The machine of desire is set in motion ...
But with a student is different. We have to hide any more innocent soul movement, not disrupt the educational relationship that binds us. Within that we will invest very little, making the music to meet the ground, putting all our innocence, because it always is: when in front of our eyes will show the beauty we are not just scared by it, the mind is pleased. We open to new evidence. What seems like, call us. But we have to stop for a bit 'to consider how much of that beauty belongs to us, how much enjoyment can be effective even if furtively. No failure is allowed. At most, the pleasure of observing, thinking not to be discovered. So we move away we also - perhaps as a student dodges - guarded secret in the heart of one day.
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